Self Improvement : Dealing with Difficult People and Using a 3 Step Negativity Test
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By: Judy Esmond
Date Submitted: 2010-03-03 22:27:09 - Article Views: 19
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Dealing with difficult people means coping with difficult people with certain personalities that you'll find in the whole pack of Dealing with People Cards. One of those in the pack is one of my personal favorites that I call the Negative Norms.SO WHO ARE THESE FRUSTRATING HUMAN BEINGS?Having discussed Negative Norms before let's just summarize who they are. They are really as they sound, that is totally negative and so is everyone and everything to them. In working with difficult people such as this, they will tell you that everything that has been tried has failed miserably.NEGATIVITY TEST AND COPING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLEBut how can you understand if you are dealing with this type of person? In other publications, we've considered using what I have termed the Negativity Test. To really know if you are dealing with difficult people that are Negative Norms use the Negativity Test. But to make it very effective use this 3 step strategy with the test.STEP ONE AND NOTING THOSE WORDSHere's how it works. For the next 2 to 4 weeks keep a scorecard of how many positive and negative things are said by this particular person. Write down all the words you hear them saying. You can either write out the sentences or just the main words.PATTERNS ARE WHAT YOU ARE SEARCHING FORHowever, you have to write down the words to determine if a pattern has happened. If you don't then you might just be reacting to their occasional negative statements. You also have to make sure you have regular contact with them to really have enough words in your test database.STEP TWO AND SO WHICH WORDS CAN YOU SEEAt the conclusion of this period of time, up to 4 weeks, sit down and examine closely the words. Is there a clear pattern of negative words outweighing the positive comments. Or can you see an even balance between pessimistic and optimistic words?WELL, WHAT CAN YOU SEE WITH THESE WORDS?If you do find a balance in both types of words, then you do not have a Negative Norm on your hands. You are certainly reacting to someone who is not totally negative but is very stressful and anxiety producing.STEP THREE IN NEGATIVITY - LOOKING DEEPER AT THE WORDSBut what if these pessimistic words seriously outweigh the positive comments? Then you need to also look at the strength of these words used by this person. Many of us use negative words at times but the true Negative Norms consistently use very emotionally charged pessimistic words.WHAT YOU WOULD SAY AND WHAT THEY WOULD SAYFor instance, you could be thinking negatively about trying to do some sort of activity. You could use words like uncertain, unsure or challenge to explain how you feel. But these people would have more emotional words such as impossible, failure and disaster to describe their perspective.17 WORDS YOU MIGHT HAVE LISTEDSo look more deeply at the negative words that are listed. Here is a list of 17 words that are very popular with them. The words are: disappointed, hard, concerned, upsetting, unable, distressed, worried, gloomy, undoable, uncooperative, impossible, troubled, offended, unlikely, problematic, improbable and failure. And this is only the beginning of their consistently pessimistic language.DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE TEST FOR NEGATIVITYSo if you really want to know if you have been dealt the Negative Norm card from the pack, try this test. Try this 3 step test and find out if you are really living with or working with difficult people who are Negative Norms. If you are, then get ready. You're going to need even more effective strategies and techniques for dealing with difficult people. |
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You have more resources waiting for you and a complimentary copy of our book Dealing with Difficult People: 17 Ideas on How to Deal with Difficult People at our website http://www.nodifficultpeople.com Dr Judy is an international expert and is amongst a handful of 'leading lights' on all issues relating to stress and dealing with people.
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dealing with difficult people  difficult people conflict stress working with difficult people |
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